He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
