after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
