Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
