I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
