The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
