one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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