my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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