i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
