I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Still dying that you shit outside
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
