yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
