last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
