Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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