is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
