i barfeds in our rink
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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