ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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