I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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