Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
