sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
