I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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