i just sent this text using only my big toe
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
