cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
