hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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