Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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