Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
