That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
