im about as happy as oj after his trial
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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