i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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