If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
