Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh god it's open bar.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
