We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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