i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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