I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
