So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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