Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
