This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
