I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
