i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
