I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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