My liver just broke up with me...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
