dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
