You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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