I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
