Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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