I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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