I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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