Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
