whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
