Well douche your snatch and let's go!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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