He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
