I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
