he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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