Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
